I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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