I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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