she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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