And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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