Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
