My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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