I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i came on her dog
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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