elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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