I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
