Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
