I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
