every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
