I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
