After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We got so high we made milksteak
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
