There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
