Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
