Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
