You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
