And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
