Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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