I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my shit smells like andre
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
