I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
