i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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