I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
