I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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