Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
