Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
