Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
