you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
