your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
