i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
