My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
