I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
