i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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