Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
