How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize