oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
