If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
