i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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