Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
