Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
