I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
