I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
