I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
