Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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