The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
