the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
