i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
