Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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