hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
