Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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