i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
