I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
